


flash

by cottagecorekim



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/F, Happy Ending, RPF, Requited Love, Smut, bc hawaii is Their Place, loosely based on That photo of jennie taken by lisa in hawaii
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26370067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cottagecorekim/pseuds/cottagecorekim
Summary: lisa and jennie stopped running away in hawaii.
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa
Comments: 17
Kudos: 78





	flash

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: attempted overdose, implied internalized homophobia and implied self harm (not graphic). please read with caution.

you've seen this before; her in something that nothing can console but time. you've seen it too for yourself, you all have, but hate is always something new when it confronts her even if it's something she would get used to by now. even when she doesn't tell, and think that you can't see, you know her too much to know what's going on.

_something about lazy dancing_   
_something about favoritism_   
_something about being cold_   
_something about something she's not_   
_something about something she's not doing and wouldn't dare to do_

it's a new bedrock bottom that she hits every time it comes. you know how it goes, but you love her and you can't do anything about it. _that would make it look like she's guilty. that would be a waste of time. they won't believe anything we'd say about that anyway,_ they say. but speaking about it would only fuel more hate for her because people spin things around and twist words for drama and spectacle. something about the thrill of a waiting downfall.

you suggest it out of nowhere because you remember hawaii and she's had you drinking a bottle of wine with her in her hotel balcony, her camera on hand, canisters of films on the table and she's pulling her guts out to seem fine and you need it anyway. she needs to not be jennie and you need to be with jennie and be alone with jennie.

"-come to hawaii with me," you say, interrupting her from a talk about new zealand. her hands stop from fixing in another film and looks at you, questioning. "come to hawaii with me. just the two of us," you say again, looking at her.

"um, where is this coming from?" she asks you, film fixed on the camera she's holding and takes a picture of you. the flash snaps you back in with what you just said. _come to hawaii with me. just the two of us._

_because i have to get you away from here before it gets into you. because you need this. because i see you and i'm afraid of what you might do._

you drink from her glass, sipping wine as she shifts the film, looking at you without a crack of anything to speculate. you don't do this because there are schedules to fill, you aren't impulsive and you know this would not be allowed even if you begged management unless you feed them with a holy grail of an alibi.

another photo taken.

she's giving you the benefit of doubt.

"you've been there, i haven't. you'll be my tour guide," you say, slipping up the weak pretense that you know she feels without a name for it. you know it's a futile patch. she looks at you again, getting her glass back. her camera is lain down on the table, abandoned. you feel naked.

jennie raises an eyebrow, studying you and smirks. you know she'll play around this. this isn't like her either, preying around truth like a shark, but you had been drinking since late afternoon.

"'just the two of us', huh? you don't need hawaii to get me alone, lisa," she says, sitting back. she smiles easy now and reaches for your hand. "what is it?" she asks, and then she sobers a bit, eyes losing a little lilt. "you know we have schedules, we can't do this. and even if we can, they won't allow it with just us two."

you thread lightly, looking down at her hand on yours. it's a lifeline, because you remember how bad it was. you saw how worse the hate is now, and jennie knows what's been said about her because she called for you and now, you're here with her, alone, (more than) slightly drunk and flushed. it's a pattern now: she gets more hate than the last time, she calls you somewhere, a bottle is on her, and both of you being alone together claws too much into you everytime.

if you hadn't known better, the answer would be entirely selfish _(b_ _ecause i_ _want_ _you)_ , or cruel _(_ _because i want you)_ , or stupid _(_ _because i_ _want_ _you_ _)_ , so you say something worse.

"because i need it." it's not entirely untrue. the news of the hiatus and the uncertainty of a comeback would eventually take a toll on you, but that doesn't matter now. _because i need you okay, and this is what i can only think about_. "even just for a few days."

she studies you and you look away, afraid the pretense would be seen through more than it already is. she preys more around you until she puts your hand on her cheek, resting against it, the other rubbing your forearm out of cold. "when do we leave?" she asks.

-

you both had fallen into an agreement that the elephant in the room stays unaddressed at the corner for the rest of the night (and probably for the rest of days until the hate dies down). knowing is enough, but this isn't exactly being real with one another either. it's ironic, because you know how real she can be. so you don't exactly know if her agreeing to this is a part of that, if she's seen through you and rationalized that she should believe you, if she's being careless and impulsive (which isn't exactly her fault) or if she knows what you're really thinking.

you end up in a red eye flight to hawaii hours later, sneaking from the dorm and leaving your lives partially behind for days, just in time for a day's rest for an appearance. you leave a note for jisoo and rosé. the "don't worry, we'll be back before the _schedule_ " isn't exactly comforting but you aren't sober either, and jennie didn't think of a note and this is your idea anyway.

a mind that isn't exactly sober has ended up with you booking just one hotel suite with two beds. that isn't exactly bad, but it doesn't help your case being alone with her without a threat of anything getting caught or anyone seeing.

you're digging yourself a grave, as if you being alone with her in _fucking_ _hawaii_ doesn't leave more room for mistakes.

there's so much to think about. you hadn't thought first before going here anyway, but she's sleeping in your bed now, insisting you share because she doesn't want to be alone. perhaps the champagne from the flight speaking, this time, and this isn't good but you're too tired to stand, so you lay down beside her, not trusting yourself to look at her.

"you're right," she mumbles, halfway asleep. "i do need this. it's so quiet without jisoo."

you smile at that, almost hearing the bickering. "i thought so," you say.

-

"-okay? we'll keep our promise, chae, you know her," she says, trying to be quiet, and then she sighs. "i don't know either. look, i know this is a shitty thing to do, but i don't want to see her fall apart. you should've seen her. you know how it goes, chaeng, you know her."

she's sitting on a chair, her back at you. she must have written something again with all those torn moleskine pages on the floor.

"i don't- i just," she pauses, leaning back. "maybe i need this too, chaeng. i feel tired. i know that isn't an excuse but-"

there it is. it's the truest thing you heard jennie say for the first time since the hate spiked again. rosé has always been blunt anyway. jennie and her are on the same polar on truths, but jennie likes to prey, and rosé bites head first.

she almost feels jennie crumpling up the mask she's been wearing around, cannot be salvaged. rosé had her on the corner.

"okay," jennie says after a time. "we owe you, chae. i promise, we'll be careful."

you stand up, bed creaking. she snaps a look at you as she puts her phone down and smiles, as if all things to think about are lain on the table too.

"did i wake you? i'm sorry, that was chae," jennie says, turning back onto her moleskine, writing something more and closes it.

"when will i even get to read even just one thing that you've written?" you ask instead. a confrontation is too soon after waking up.

she turns her chair and sits down, facing you again. she hums, smirking. "when you've made a photobook out of all those pictures you've taken me, maybe you'd get the book."

you blush, remembering the amount of film undeveloped yet. "can you blame me?" you ask, trying to take the upperhand.

you're standing in front of her now, looking down to her eyes that looks up at you. you've just waken up and it seems like you're not even sober, or maybe you're dreaming- everything is hazy, wrapped up in a fog of everything jennie. it's impossible to be this light, not when there's chaos to think back in korea, and you did not come here in hawaii to take.

she loops her fingers on the belt loop of your jeans and tugs you closer to her. "i can hear you thinking. chu called earlier before rosé. i've settled it all down. we have, well, a day and a half."

"i'm sorry, this is my idea, i should've been the one to talk to them," you say, feeling guilty because this is supposed to be for her anyway, and not for anything else.

"it's just talk, lili," she smiles, light. "it's okay. you can make it up to me for a day and a half."

"i'll give you everything for a day and a half."

-

you end up walking along the shoreline together near the hotel few hours later after taking her out to dinner. nobody is anywhere, but you still wear disguises even when it's dark already.

no pretense exists when you walk with her. it's just the night and jennie. maybe it's something about hawaii, or just not being in korea.

there are still things to think about, but you trust jennie more than anything and you try not to spiral down thinking of what would happen when you come back, fans possibly worsening the case of running away by recognizing them, spinning rumors, running away with jennie. _being along with jennie. being somehow free with jennie._

her thumb on your hand caresses your skin and there's a kiss on your shoulder. you look down at her, smiling uneasy. "it's just the two of us, here, lili. it's okay," she reassures you.

you sigh to yourself. this is supposed to be for her, you remind yourself for the umpteenth time today. _this is for her. don't be selfish._

"this is my idea, i should've thought about it first before dragging you into this," you say, stopping in walking but jennie doesn't, and your arm is stretched ahead of you. she pulls you to her and wraps an arm on your waist, her fingertips on your exposed skin burning.

"hey, i agreed to this, lisa," jennie says, looking up at you. "i need this too," she admits as she sinks in further into you.

you mull it over, whether you should open it up or not. it's hard to day whether talking about it would destroy the remaining days, and that would be hard because nobody can get in between.

you're threading on thin ice anyway, above all things that had been left unsaid and out of why you're here in hawaii, recklessly being like this as if you're inside the dorm and there are no possible watchers because you act more than anything but _friends_.

jennie stops and sits on the sand, looking serene under the moonlight and this cannot pass, so you take a photo of her kneeling by her feet.

"why?" you ask, trying to pry open at the crack, hiding behind the camera lens. it's easier to start honest without touching directly at first.

she looks directly at the camera this time, looking at you. "you know why, lili. it's..." she trails off, eyes on the ocean behind you now.

_i know that look_ , you bit off.

you reach out, fingertips on her chin to make her look at you again. she smiles at that. "hey, look at me," you say, feeling a little brave. "it's just me. it's what, nini?"

"it's worse, this time, i don't think i can look anywhere without remembering anything." _about_ _the_ _hate_ becomes unspoken.

you backtrack at the cards lain down on the table. she's letting you in, open and appraising your question because it's just the both of you and the moon tonight, and jennie is just jennie, looking somber with a smile that's freely sad without a room for speculation. you're the spectator and historian with the waves, but there is no awaiting applause for this.

the last time this happened, you were not really in it because you were drunk, she was more talking at the moon and you didn't know what she was talking about anymore because there are too much metaphors and ambiguity is her thing when confronting something sometimes, like she's writing on air.

you sit down beside her, camera on your lap. the agreement broken; the elephant in the room roams. this running away feels like a pilgrimage of sorts now, rummaging through the holy places just once over thousand places explored.

"they don't know anything, jennie," you heard yourself say, because consoling won't do anything and saying the truth would only count. it's a shame, she's the bone getting picked on this, preyed on just because she's honest more than any of us. "they don't see you."

" _they don't know you like i do. i see you_ ," hangs in the air, sweet and known.

"maybe," she says, not conceding to your words. "it's hard sometimes to ignore them because it's what i see in myself too. maybe they are true, maybe they are not. i don't know what's true."

"would you believe me though? because i know you," you say, leaning back, propping your arms, hands on the sand.

"you're not exactly unbiased, lisa. you're... close to me. maybe i am who they hate."

you lean to her slightly, humor conspiring and trying. "they just haven't seen your gummy smile," you say, trying to spark up a little light in the night. "i would do anything for that smile."

_i would do anything for you._

she nudges you softly, head beaten on your shoulder. she stays there, easy. "you? why do you need this?"

the question breezes over at you. it's an easy question, but a harder compromise of correct ways to put it where there wouldn't be a room of possibly jeopardizing this moment, or the day and a half, or the friendship (or whatever it is that you have).

you remember the last time this happened, pills on her hand and a couple more in her opened prescription bottle. she had swallowed a few that had been pumped out of her system the same day, papers for discretion and paid silence that nobody else knew.

"because i can't let it happen again," you say. it stretched out farther than it should've been anyway. it dawns on her, stiffening beside you and she withdraws from your space. "i care about you, jennie. i wouldn't know what to do if..."

it's a dare on chances. there's not a clear bet on this gamble, but the stakes are. maybe you should've waited a little more, patient, or maybe you shouldn't have bothered because you would lose something that you never had in the first place.

you are overthinking, and it's not just the both of you and the moon. suddenly, it's crowded again.

but she takes your hand, sand grainy against her warm skin and you're looking at the reflection of moon and the light seaspray.

"i'm sorry," she says. just that, because there is no other consolidation for that. she wanted to do it, and she's not a liar even when she knows you need her to be.

it's not something to be sorry for. you of all people know that, after those years of trying to feel something else from what is real and feeling trapped in life with something you thought wasn't right. you don't want her in the same mistake.

"i need this because i need you here," you say after a while. "you don't have to be sorry for that, i've been there, jen. i know how it goes, just-"

it clogs up on you, unable to choke it out before you ruin anything. jennie tightens her hand our yours.

"-i know," jennie says, looking at you. of course, she knows, she's jennie. truths are on her palms when she meets your eyes. "i know, lisa. i'll try for you."

_i'll try_ _to_ _live_ _for_ _you_.

-

you almost didn't come out of your suite. you come out for strolls near the vicinity together, always in disguises, cameras and moleskines. there's casual stops to get photos of anyone and anything, jumping from café to café, writing on moleskines and acting dumb, simple, done for, doomed, childish, but otherwise well off away from korea.

you almost feel like yourselves.

it's almost like you ran away just to be holed up in a room somewhere else just for a different air, but hawaii isn't cold as korea, and the light that isn't gloomy fits jennie so much, you can't help but take a photo every time.

it's late aftetnoon at the balcony. you've been talking about what or who you would've been if you're not in the industry.

"you would be a writer, or a songwriter. i mean, you are but as working on your own stuff, i think, if not a chef or a baker," you say, thinking out loud.

"i would beat the shit out of gordon ramsay, if not you for not keeping your hands to yourself at my kitchen."

"i mean, food is always good when you're at the kitchen." your eyes glint with teasing and double meaning.

"of course, you would say that," she says, deadpanned, rolling her eyes as she writes.

you huff out a chuckle, and think of jennie in domesticity and light industry. you've had a glimpse of it.

"you would probably own a pet café with your baked goods. dogs and cats, then there's the writers' club you'd found with an open mic every friday and weekend nights."

"wow, you're really thinking about this."

"i mean, of course there has to be cats or i won't come to your café."

"what a life that would be. i'd have a renowned photographer on my advertising and marketing team," she says.

"maybe after blackpink, or even now, we can do that. your café. you've always had something for cooking anyway."

she hums at that, possibly considering it. "only if you'd have your photos exhibited at my café."

"deal."

"and you'd give them for free."

"now, you're just taking advantage of me. pay your artist!"

"i'd give you a kiss."

"that won't buy me films!"

"okay. own the café with me," she compromises, like this talking of half-baked dreams would mean something else.

"talking about conjugal properties already, kim?"

"who says i don't have a ring on me now?" she asks, flaunting her ring finger with the ring you gave her from your time in los angeles.

there's a flutter that rests on your stomach. it doesn't feel dreadful like when she jokes about this. this just feels like an honest-to-god, speaking-into-existence kind of conversation. you don't know whether to be afraid or hope for it.

_yeah_ , _what_ _a_ _life_ _it_ _would_ _be_ , even just owning a café with jennie seems nice. a quiet life, just being. jennie writing, owning a café with you, jennie in the kitchen, jennie safe, not worrying anything else but the artists for the open mic.

"you'll definitely be a photographer," she beams, moleskine completely forgotten now as she looks at you, thoughtful. "i mean, you'll probably be a choreographer, or a dancer too but you're different with photography."

"different, how?"

"you see people well, that's why your photos are so good. they're just full of... life."

"you just say that because most of my photos are of you," you say, teasing.

and you think the light is immaculate. something about the golden hour, and jennie. something about elegance, delicate, demure, tinged melancholic and romantic air around her, or perhaps you're delusional and intoxicated with this little world you've created bound to end in a few hours.

you're supposed to run away from this feeling, but it doesn't help that she kisses so near your lips and on your shoulders, her hands on your waist, the hand on your thighs or just the way she looks because there is always an agreement with jennie that settles immediately when it comes, and this has been settled long, long ago, fermented in time, tasting bittersweet when you let yourself crease at it.

_it's been sweeter in hawaii_.

"your photos are interesting because i'm your subject," she barks back, leaning on her chair.

"it works when the subject is beautiful."

"sweet talker."

"you are beautiful," you say, almost reverently, body propped toward her at the small table that separates you, daring her and reaching.

you wish she jumps on it, not run away, blur everything you believe in about the world you left behind and come back into it as someone new.

there's a lilt in her eyes that isn't playing, but reaches out onto you anyway. she leans toward you at the table too. so close, her scent is on your face, your eyes almost closed. you feel comforted by it.

or maybe because her hand is holding yours and her thumb is soothing your skin.

"you are beautiful," she parrots back at you.

you're choking on air, internally failing on recognizing anything but jennie. your mind is out of risks that you're in the balcony of the hotel suite where you both stay in one bed even when there's two, that the balcony is at the seventh floor, that even when there's almost nobody on the boardwalk, somebody might still recognize you even if there's no clear confirmation if a photo is taken from anywhere.

that you might ruin this if she doesn't look away. that you would ruin rosé and jisoo's life too if this gets out. that you would destroy her image even further than they had already tarnished.

_when did you start feeling like this, in this late afternoon?_

it's jennie and her hair down. jennie under this light. jennie just being jennie.

maybe it's the way she spoke. or the way she's kissing your hand. or the way she looks at you. or the way she knows what you need, what you want to do.

maybe it's the way she softly cups your cheek and pulls you in for a kiss.

maybe.

you did not come to hawaii to _take_ , but she's giving anyway. you brought her here in all the trouble to soothe her, but it's jennie who soothes you always.

it's gentle, the kiss, shy but sure. she waits for you, giving you the reins.

you kiss back. nothing in you decides, you just do. you hand on her cheek, closing your eyes and she follows you further, smiling.

_immaculate. beginning. true. alive. alone. clear. nobody,_ you think.

because jennie's lips feel familiar like she's kissed you before, like a sweet serendipity, an awfully pure deja vu passing by again to remind how wonderful life is.

because the little world you created doesn't feel like it's ending and hawaii is just a touchstone.

because in both your worlds, true things are counted by the hands and not many comes as anything truer than this, without a camera and not as a mean to live.

because her hand now on your neck, scratching lightly, is too much and the way she's kissing you feels like fire and there's nowhere in the world to breathe in.

because you feel so alone with her, you couldn't care less now about who sees.

because this had been waiting too, like another elephant in the room and like another puncture into the heart that has been plucked out, you feel more full of love for her, so relieved.

because jennie has whispered "take me to bed". so you lead her into the hotel suite, hands ready to close the door to the balcony and you're kissing her against the shut door, hands on her hips, burning, her arms around your neck, pulling you closer. you're alone and nobody knows about this.

and then you're back is against the headboard of the bed (which one, you haven't minded anymore), and she's straddling you, kisses moving from your lips to your cheeks, nipping at your earlobe and the skin on your neck.

you let out a soft moan of her name as she kisses you a mark on your neck.

"i love that, do it again, darling," she says against your collarbone, nuzzling lightly, taking time to breathe.

"make me," you hear yourself say. and she does, a hand on your jaw and another kiss on your neck.

is it possible to be in haze and to feel so clear of mind? is the certainty true because you've never been this sure.

even with her on the upperhand, you ask, "are you sure?"

her eyes are glazed of want, and her hands now on your jeans are tugging, impatient but not forcing.

"please," she says instead, and kisses you briefly. her hands are on your shirt tugs it over your head and you let her.

let her take all of you and give everything back. you want this.

her shirt is thrown over the bed when you lay her down, kissing on her neck as you hover over her, a hand running on the underside of her breast. she hums at that, and then she moans as your hand travels down her stomach.

"please," she says again, unbearably soft, eyes closed.

you work on her shorts, tugging it down to the floor. you look at her, like an artist looking at a painting, admiring. she looks back at your eyes, and spreads her legs for you.

you crawl to her, start trailing slow kisses on her thigh, settling between her legs, and then up on her navel, her stomach as she unclasps herself free and tugs it to the floor, and you kiss her between the valley of her breasts. a hand comes at you head, nails grazing slightly at your scalp as you look at her again, in pleasure, eyes closed.

her lips don't wait for you, reaching for yours and kissing you, bruising. "i need you," she says breathless.

her hand guides yours, trailing her toned physique until you feel her, wet and ready for you. she gasps, and then she moans against you mouth, mewling as you tease her.

"lisa," she says with a warning as you lips suck a mark between her breasts. and you enter her slow. she chokes a breath, gasping and you soothe her with kisses on her neck, consuming the way she feels around your finger.

when you feel her relax, you start to move, slow, moving her hips against your palm, encouraging you to pace faster. she moans again, louder.

"another," she whispers, looking helpless. "please, lisa."

she cries out, and you kiss out your name on her mouth. she tightens around you, body desperate for release. she starts to ride out your fingers, sounding loud and sweet against your face.

she comes fast, too much for patience, but you don't mind. she looks beautiful, spent like that, her body writhing against you, echoes of her crying out your name ringing. she sighs, a soft _oh_ on her mouth.

you slowly take your fingers out, eager to taste her. she opens her eyes, dazed, watching you as you put your fingers on your mouth.

you kiss her, tasting herself on your mouth, musky, tinging sweetness. and she smiles.

"you're still dressed," she says after a while, and you chuckle.

there's a stroke of a ray against her skin, cutting through her face but her afterglow beats how she looks in hawaiian light.

you've turned into a devout for her more than you already were, unable to not stumble back against the sight of her.

"you're so beautiful," you say again. "hold yourself there." you stand up, rushing your camera on the nightstand.

"lisa!" she says, tone incredulous at you and laughing lightly as she tugs the comforter to cover herself to decency.

"come on, darling, just look at me," you say. she looks wary at first, looking down, but she strikes a look at the camera with the way she was looking at you when you're setting kisses on her thighs. you click the shutter.

she strikes up another pose, baring her shoulder. a flash illuminates the room more than it's already lit.

and then another after another, filling the film full.

-

you dress up for dinner hours later, playing wives at the restaurant, keeping to yourself in your booth at the isolated part of the place facing the open ocean, sea spray coming once in a while with the gentle coldness of breeze.

jennie's clad in a suit over a tee, you in your leather and dress that has jennie looking over and doesn't bother hiding it. her hands tease on your thigh once in a while, kissing you because _"_ _what, i can't kiss my wife in a dine out?"_ and _"_ _your_ _hair_ _gets_ _in_ _the_ _way_ _anyway_ , _if_ _anybody_ _sees_ , _it's_ _a_ _kiss_ _on_ _the_ _cheek"._

you took the long way back to hotel, taking a detour by a boardwalk. your film is filled by the time you get to your suite, the last film ruined when she kissed you against the elevator, camera almost falling to the floor if it hadn't had a strap because you're pinned between jennie and the cold wall, biting at your lips and she's good at that.

you're at your last film canister, nearing when she takes the camera from you, because hers had been spent in the morning stroll that you had.

she rolls over to straddle you, reaching for your camera in you free hand that doesn't hold her hand.

"look at me, lili," jennie purrs, "look at the camera like how you would look at me like this."

and you do, dazed, eyes on her body and onto the lens with the same look. a flash.

"beautiful," she says. "give me some more, lili."

you dare her placing her hand that pinned yours on your neck. her mouth parts. you fix her the same look. a flash.  
  
you place your hands on her thighs, trailing higher. her fingers adjust the lens, and then a flash.

you prop your elbows on the mattress and you lean back, flaunting her shirt that you're wearing. a flash.

"this is your last film, lili. what do you wanna do with it?" she asks, looking at you, flushed, and you see the marks on her body that you made, proud against the open light and contrasting against the clean white of the suite.

you're in awe, struck down by the way she looks, by the way she's confident with her body with you.

so you say "lay down with me" and she does. she angles her camera up.

"ready?" she asks. you put a hand on her cheek, and she looks at you.

"now look at the camera. count, and on three, click the shutter," you say. she laughs slightly at that, something about being a creative director yourself.

she counts. you pull your face closer to hers, look at her lips, lips grazing her cheek and your fingertips at her chin. a flash.

she settles your camera gently on the floor, and then kisses you again, you think you might miss your flight in a few hours.

"don't worry," she says, pulling back. "we won't miss our flight, i just wanted to kiss you."

"you read my mind. am i that obvious?"

"you're obvious in so many things, lili."

"so you know?" you ask. _you_ _know_ _that_ i _love_ _you?_

her fingertips tuck hair behind your ears, and settles her hand on your cheek.

"i know," she says, smiling, beauty in it without a describable word; perhaps melancholic, resigning, sure, shy, reaching?

"and are you? with me?"

"you know, lili," she says. you take her hand, bringing it up to your lips, kissing chivalrous and reverently.

it feels like sealing a promise with her because this, this thing you started here wouldn't end here when there are so many reason why it should. there's no going back from before this.

you don't want to leave. you won't leave, not when you've waited long and had been surviving on crumbs of her touches that were out of place and feels right but without assurance of its meaning.

"i don't want to ruin this," she whispers. there are tears in her eyes now. "i don't want to lose-"

she chokes on it, unable to continue. you move to hold her, jennie's head on your chest. you know what she means, but you know it's not true. it's true that this is something to prey on. and you would have to hide, but you know yourself. you'll do anything.

"not me, you won't. even if you hate me, you won't," you say, and you know you mean it because you can't lie about this.

"and if you do? hate me?"

"i think i'll just love you a little more then."

-

you didn't miss your flight. you've landed almost an hour ago, and you keep thinking about what's bound to happen, but there's a hand on your back, soothing the worry out a little.

you smile, looking at her. you both walk out of the airport, hands clasped together.

**Author's Note:**

> edited 11/18 bc uni uwu soz (and still trynna figure out how ao3 works omo)  
> this is also posted in wattpad (https://my.w.tt/FeEAwpwJI9)! come say hi!


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